ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN LIP SERVICE WEB MAGAZINE
There is nothing more traditional to Thanksgiving than taking more than your fair share! In the storied 1621 feast, guess who brought the bulk of the grub? That’s right, the folks who shortly wound up with the short end of the proverbial stick, which only shows, being too generous is surely an invitation to take advantage. Let Grandma buy and cook tables full of food, she WANTS you to feel blessed with plenty so why concern yourself with anything but getting all you can? Thankful = excessive consumption, right?
And, while you’re at it, don’t feel like you have to respect notions of whose space you’re squatting in. After being supported with help, advice, and friendship, as well as needed food, the Pilgrims gave thanks to the helpful natives by stealing their land while selling them into slavery or just flat out offing them. So, feel free to take over Grammy and Grampy’s house, maybe help yourself to their car or a few saleable items, even make them run your errands, do your laundry, and clean up after the mad parties you’ll be having. They should be grateful to be spared greater indignities, after all, and appreciative to have themselves and their former property in the hands of someone who truly understands how to exploit them to the fullest extent. Ah, GREED! What could be more traditional than that?